Now this, dear readers, is a true mystery. I... I recall for some odd reason that myself and a group of my buddies decided one evening to start mock-worshipping this thing called "Elfie". I really have NO idea what Elfie is (or was). I am assuming that it (he?) is... uh... well... an Elf of some type.

Now, mind you, we decided to start this whole thing when we were all EXTREMELY drunk. We're talking Holy Shit drunk here folks. It made sense at the time. If I recall correctly, it all started as some stupid-ass joke that was made while we were all two-sheets-to-the-typhoon. I vaguely remember drunken stupors, lots of giggling, and my buddie's little brother's BIG STUFFED TOY ELF HEAD (???) that we use to sing/slur a little song to that we had made up: "Elfie, Elfie, in the corner. Elfie, Elfie, in the corner."

I believe there also may have been some attempts at dancing in a circle with hands waving pathetically in the air (while trying to hold on to our bottles of frosty Busch Beer goodness but spilling it everywhere instead). Then it would typically end for me by taking another drink, falling to the ground, then waking up a day later under someone's pool table covered in my own sick (the glories of youth).

This must have happened frequently, since that damn Elf song snuck into my stone-cold sober world as well.

Was there ever REALLY an Elfie or was it a figment of mass hallucination (like the world ever believing Britney Spears could actually sing or that David Hasselhoff was ever a good actor)?

Was it actually ever IN THE CORNER?

We may possibly never know.