His name is "Fallswind the Unknown". Or... my name is Fallswind (since in Dungeons and Dragons you actually play the character, so he is actually me and I am it or.... er.... he is a she... uh... )
For those of you who do NOT know what Dungeons and Dragons is, then SHAME ON YOU!!!
If you think a "Magic Missile" is what David Copperfield calls a happy ending at a massage parlor, then you've probably never played DnD (the acronym for Dungeons and Dragons as it is lovingly called).
If you think that a "Deck of Many Things" is where Noah kept all his animal buddies, then you've probably never played DnD.
If you think that a "Beholder" is another name for a hive, then you've probably never played DnD.
If you think that a "Cockatrice" has something to do with porn, one lucky lady, and three strapping men with 'staches, then you've probably never played DnD.
Dungeons and Dragons is only the closest thing to HEAVEN that a Dork had (back in the days BEFORE Playstation and easy access to internet boobs).
It was created back in the 70's by Gygax (or as I call him, Gygax the Great). Let me try to break it down quickly for you. You have a group of people who pretend they are characters (Magic User, Warrior, Winona Ryder... oops... I mean - Thief, etc.) in a DIFFERENT realm created through the wonders of IMAGINATION, far away from the reality of this realness.
There is ONE guy called the Dungeon Master. His job is to tell you and the others playing what is happening in this fantastical realm that you (your characters) are in, and what is happening to YOU (your characters). In turn, you then tell him (the Dungeon Master) what you want to do in this world of his creation. And then he tells you (your characters) what happens next. And then you tell him (the Dungeon Master) what you (your character) are going to do based off of what just happend that he told you. And then he tells you (your character) that a goblin just attacked you (your character) because... well... that what goblins just DO I guess. And then you (your character) says "O.K., I will swing my sword at the strange little goblin fellow that is attacking us because that is just what they do." And then you have to roll a bunch of dice (see picture below) to see if you hit the goblin. And then the DM (Dungeon Master) checks the dice roll against his hidden chart of super secret equations that magically tells him what to tell you. And then you realize that you (NOT your character) have just turned into a TOTAL DORK living in a fantasy realm of escapism and staying up until 3 in the morning because you can't stop until your party defeats the Chaotic Orc Warlord who has sequestered himself away into yet ANOTHER GOD DAMN DUNGEON with MORE traps and MORE damn monsters coming at you left and right but your hit points are low and the GOD DAMN cleric keeps healing everyone else but you because he's a stupid assface and.....!!!
Yes... Dungeons and Dragons.
I can finally come out and tell the world my little secret. "Hello, my name is Drooling Maniac" (everybody now - "Hello Maniac") " ...and I played DND a LOT. "
I finally got that off my chest. I now feel free. If playing Role-Playing games makes me a Dork. Then, God Bless America, I was a huge Dork 'cause I loved it.
Of course, I really don't play anymore. Who the hell has the time? Besides, I have my kick-ass computer with games. No more of that "having to talk to people" anymore. If I want to escape into fantasy worlds now, all I have to do is load up Doom 3 and blow the shit out of things. That's all I have the patience for, now that I am an old man.
