Has it already been two weeks since the beginning of the fall semester. My first semester in these wonderful halls, and streets, and stairs, and parking lots... of this Universiy. I have already learned so many things from the fleeting days that have passed me by already.

LESSON #1: A PERSON COULD EASILY GET LOST IN THE ACRES OF MYSTERIOUS BUILDINGS THAT ENCOMPASSES THE CAMPUS.

Yes, my very first day of the University Orientation Class. I had everything down pat. My watch was exactly synchronized with my quick flight from my house to a building by the name of Blah-Blah Hall. Away I went, looking forward to a new experience in a new world. Is this what Columbus felt upon his first few steps upon the new world?

I looked at my little map that I had made up for myself, that conveniently had every building that I had to go to highlighted and mapped out to the T. I pulled in just on time, giving me a few good minutes to sit back and relax to see what others lay in the same boat as I. Looking around, taking my time, I finally found the room that the class was to be held in.

Nobody here, I must really be early. Point for me. Wait! What is that little piece of paper taped on the wall? There, what seemed to be written in giant pulsating letters, were the words "CLASS HAS MOVED TO ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL*".

LESSON #2: WHOEVER DECIDES TO CHANGE CLASSROOMS BEFORE THE FIRST DAY MUST BE WORKING UNDER THE POWERS OF EVIL.

I stared at the words with mouth open. Just then another young lady comes running to the door. We both stare at the door with mouths open. I rip my map out of my binder and we take off.

LESSON #3: CREATIVE PARKING 101.

Nowhere, there was nowhere to park and I was already late. I will not go into detail, but you CAN find a parking place if you pray a whole lot and the Parking Patrol doesn't get a good look at what you have done.

LESSON #4: BRING YOUR CAMPUS MAP, A GOOD COMPASS, A PAID GUIDE, AND A BAG FULL OF TYLENOL ON THE FIRST DAY.

ANTHONY MICHAEL, I never needed to find ANTHONY MICHAEL. It wasn't on my cute little map that I drew out. It was on the campus map with all the little numbers and arrows, etc., etc. I was wandering around the sidewalks, map thrust out in front of me, stumbling around and staring at the tall buildings around me. I believe I must have looked a little like Jack Nicholson in the movie The Shining. The part where he is running around in the twisting topiary maze screaming out that kids name. I was doing that. Limping around with a mad expression on my face screaming "ANTHONY MICHAEL, ANTHONY MICHAEL, ANTHONY MICHAEL." Nobody did help by the way. I wonder if they could tell that I was a freshman?

LESSON #5: WHOEVER DECIDES TO CHANGE CLASSROOMS BEFORE THE FIRST DAY MUST "BE" THE POWER OF EVIL.

Finally, after racing up the stairs and thanking God that I quit smoking a year ago, I made it to the classroom. A thousand eyes stared at me as the teacher turned to look at me and with a consoling smile told me the class was moved to #227. Remember, the stairs are your friends.

LESSON #6: IT IS POSSIBLE TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 22.

I finally made it. Threw myself in the chair before me and sat back to learn, hoping that my next classes would not have a test of endurance such as what I had been through. I honestly think I can get into an Ironman competition now.