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> Tangent #63: Mock Photography - Get In My Belly
Yet another in my series of Mock Photography. I found this pic in a Wal-Mart Ad for some kind of allergy pill. Time to creatively mock the hell out of it. Here it goes...

And in today's news, a woman from Plainsville, Michigan was arrested after 34 people witnessed her savagely abusing her child in public. Her name has just recently been announced as Mrs. Notta Gudmother, also known as "Notty" to her close friends and relatives.

According to co-workers, Mrs. Gudmother who has worked as a kindergarten teacher at St. Mary's School for Regifted Children for over 8 years, called off sick in the morning complaining of "severe depression and anxiety due to that DAMN KID OF MINE.. I'll TEACH HER to SHUT UP.. I WILL. HAHAHAHAAAA... I WILL... JUST YOU WATCH ME!!!". The school administrator, thinking nothing of it at the time, allowed her to take a sick day since this was only the 16th day in a row she called off with the same symptoms.

At exactly 1:34 p.m., Mrs. Gudmother had decided to take her only child Egdylan "Eggy" Gudmother to the Greenfield Park and Natureorium, a popular place for mothers to bring their young ones to play, and for guys to check out mothers who bring their young ones to play.

It was during this time that, as many witnesses stated to police, she TOTALLY SNAPPED. While both of them were laying in the grass playing with dirt, Mrs. Gudmother suddenly grabbed "Eggy" by the hips and violently began thrusting the child's head over and over into her stomach, attempting to stuff the child's head and eventually the child's entire body into her belly button.

"It was terrible," says Mr. Phyllis Dogintrod, a homeless man who had been sitting in the bushes nearby and viewed the entire situation as it unfolded.

"The woman just started YELLING at the top of her voice over and over again 'Get back IN THERE! Get back IN THERE! Be a good girl and GET BACK INTO MOMMY!! NOW!!! GET IN MY BELLY!!! Maybe then you'll SHUT UP! GET BACK INTO MOMMY!! GET IN MY BELLY!!!'"

"It was horrifying to watch. The child was screaming. I was screaming. The other mothers were screaming at me because I didn't have any pants on. Then I screamed some more because I realized that everybody saw me in the bushes. Then I passed out due to extreme exhaustion. It was not a good day."

Mrs. Notta Gudmother was swiftly arrested 2.5 hours after being called to the scene. A fire crew utilizing the Jaws of Life had to be called to remove the screaming child's upper forehead that had by that time been lodged deeply into the woman's stretched, distorted, and bleeding naval.

While in custody, Mrs. Gudmother was asked exactly what she was attempting to do to the poor child. She responded that she was merely attempting to put poor "Eggy" back up into her belly where everything was nice, safe, warm, and quiet like the family's cat Misty told her to do.

Mrs. Notta Gudmother is currently serving 3 hours community service for child endangerment. The judge has also requested that she should have here naval hermetically sealed as a cautionary measure to reduce the risk of her jamming anybody else in there. "Eggy" unfortunately will now have to live with a rather unique condition that doctors are calling "Extreme Bellybutton Lint Head" for the rest of her life.