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> Tangent #58: Lightning Monster
Have you ever walked past something almost EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE without giving it an ounce of thought or recognition as even being an item in existence. It is totally in the background and though you "see" it every single day after day after day, you never really took the time to "look" at it.

Then... one day... you stop... and look...

And something you thought was innocent and innocuous turns out to be something HORRIFYING!!!

I have walked past the metal boxes (in the picture above) that are outside my apartment complex every day for the past 4+ years now.

I never thought ANYTHING about them. I just assumed they were boxes that had something to do with the telephones, electricity, water, cable, and whatever. Typical stuff that you get billed for.

But I was wrong. I thought NOTHING about these boxes. Though I have parked in front of them countless times and have even chucked miscellaneous bits of trash at them after getting out of the car, I had NO idea how close to REAL DANGER I was in.

As I was walking by them yesterday, I stopped for some reason. Something caught my eye. This may be strange, but I believe fate had stepped in at that time, took my hand, and lead me over to those boxes to make a terrifying discovery.

I found myself standing in from the of biggest metal box. It just sat there painted in boring green, trying to fade itself into the palette of the background wanting no attention.

But it HAD my attention now. And I focused on the Warning Sticker located on the top middle of it's metal skin. As I got closer and closer, I could hear my heart beating through my veins. All sounds faded away as I my eyes tried to rationalize with my brain what it was seeing. It was not working, and the longer I stood there... looking... finally seeing for the first time... the more INSANITY took over my soul. For the truth was THERE in front of my face ALL THIS TIME!!!

I had always thought this was just a regular utility box that held wires, knobs, switches and crap... but... but... the WARNING... oh sweet GOD... the WARNING showed....

...that the box actually contained a Lightning Monster. What a strange place to put a Lightning Monster. Must be imprisoned in the metal box. Probably not a great idea to put it right outside an apartment complex where people live. Especially since it sits just a few feet away from some of the parking spaces. Hell, I almost ran into it a few times.

Imagine the embarrassment after accidentally crashing into the box with your car and the Lightning Monster breaks free from it's destroyed prison, attacking you with it's Lightning Bolts like the graphic showed.

That WOULD be embarrassing.

Stupid Lightning Monster.

I checked my monthly Electric Bill statement. Yup, sure enough in small print they have been adding the fee:

    Lightning Monster Incarceration Fee: $3.50

Wouldn't you know it. I bet everyone here in the apartment complex has been paying this every month without even realizing it.

What's next? Are they going to start locking up a Kraaken beneath my sink in the small area all the way in the back where it is all dark and I can't reach.

Or how about imprisoning Tiamat the Draconic Goddess in my clothes hamper. Man, my wife would be PISSED the first time she goes to do laundry and the five-headed queen mother of all evil chromatic dragons pops out, destroying everything in sight after being set free from her wickery hamper prison. Now THERE'S a battle I'd like to see. My money is on my wife. She'd KILL after seeing the first good bath towel being burnt to a crisp.