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> Tangent #56: Desperate Houseflies
ABC has announced recently that the show "Desperate Housewives", due to lack of marketing to insane comedic parody writers that have a penchant for horror, has been totally revamped to appeal to a more strange and freakish type of audience.

Watch out Wisteria Lane, 'cause the beautiful suburban neighborhood that we have all grown to love has been ROCKED to the ground. When the new episodes of the show hit Prime Time again, prepare yourself for some MAJOR changes. The first, being that the title has now been changed to the more endearing, "Desperate Houseflies".

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The plot this season takes a DRASTIC turn from previous episodes and delves more into the realms of science fiction/horror (or SciHorrence Fictionor). The ladies of Fairview, so enwrapped in their meaningless domestic struggles, secrets, and passions, barely notice that they all have accidentally stumbled into a "Telepod" teleporting device conceived and created by the new mad scientist hunk in town, Jeff Goldblum.

Unfortunately for them, Mr. Goldblum and a fly are already in the "Telepod" when the device suddenly LEAPS to life, breaking apart all of their atoms and shooting the mishmash of molecules through the air to the other "Telepod" device that was set up just outside the restroom of the local Blimpie.

As the atoms mix, match, and mulch together, the girls are reconfigured, but will never be the same again.

While these carnivorous cougars are still bouncy and beautiful in their bottoms and boobs, their heads have tragically been mutated into GIANT FLY HEADS. They can thankfully no longer talk, nag, bicker, or bitch. Now, all they can do is make odd chattering noises with their mandibles, creep people out with their huge buggy compound eyes, and siphon sustenance from any large piles of dog shit they find on the sidewalks.

The exception is Teri Hatcher's character, Susan Mayer, who for some odd reason seems to have not been effected at all. While taking a shower after the teleporting travesty, she comes to find that a rather horny Jeff Goldblum's body has been fused to her back, which embarrasses her greatly and wackiness certainly ensues.

Make sure to tune in for all the drama and comedy that is certainly to come. Here is a hint -- by the end of this season, one of the ladies will be spewing out a litter of maggots and you will NOT BELIEVE who the father is.

Stay Tuned!!!