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> Tangent #48: Just Gopher It - From The Far Reaches Of Our Disgrace
A while back, I had bought my wife a Gopher Pick-Up and Reach Tool (AS SEEN ON T.V.) to use in the kitchen. This is an extremely handy gizmo that unfolds into a long reaching handle with a trigger that controls suctions cups on the far end of it. I knew I had to buy it when I read on the box that the "Gopher's secret is the suction action". Anything with "Secret Suction Action" is allright in my book.

This little tool is amazingly useful in grabbing all of the snack foods that we throw all the way up on the top shelf of the kitchen cabinets that we cannot reach.

I was looking for the Gopher yesterday because I wanted to grab a bag of microwave popcorn that was tossed ALL the way up in the top shelf. After much searching, I could not find it and asked my wife where it was.

She responded:

My Wife: I didn't know where the hell to put it, so I threw it up on the top shelf. Its somewhere towards the back.

We jumped up and down like rabid rabbits, crawled on top of each other like Chinese Acrobats, attempted to lasso it with McGuyvered-up shoestrings tied together with a paperclip on the end, and almost broke one of our cheap Dining Room chairs trying to balance on it like drunken tight-rope walkers. After much effort, both of us realized that we couldn't reach it.

IRONY
Pronunciation: [ahy-ruh-nee, ahy-er-]
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural iro·nies
Etymology: Latin ironia, from Greek eironia, from eiron dissembler
Date: 1502
1: an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.

2: a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning.

3: tasting like a hot iron.
    Ex. "This iron you are using to iron my shirt certainly tastes irony when I lick it."