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> Tangent #46: Evil Clown Wins Miss America Pageant
The Miss America Organization has announced today that the winner crowned during the 2008 Competition held in Las Vegas on January 26 will be asked to step down. The crown will be transferred to the first-place runnerup.

Due to a lack of proper background checking, the organizers of the 83rd Miss America pageant discovered that the winner "Kirsten Haglund" supposedly from Michigan, was in all actuality Pennywise -- the homicidal, shape-shifting, child-eating monster.

During an emergency press conference held today, a representative for the organization stated the following:

"All of us at the Miss America Organization wish to apologize for the slight oversight. We understand that we had inadvertently allowed an evil sewer-dwelling murderer win the title of Miss America 2008.

We were willing to overlook the minor mistake and allow Pennywise to keep the title for the year, but upon discovering that he was NOT from Michigan as we were led to believe -- but was instead from MAINE!!! Well, THAT is something the organization cannot let slip by.

This is a rather unfortunate position we have been put in. We wish to apologize to both Pennywise and our fans. The Miss America Organization will make sure this never happens again. "

The crown will be officially given to second place winner Michelle "Mikey" Myers during a small ceremony being held at the Child Trauma Center.

Though Pennywise may be stripped of his crown, you will not be seeing the last of him. Modelling offers are flooding in from the high fashion industry.

Vogue, Elle, and Oprah's "O" magazines have been battling to be the first to have him as their covergirl. The first deal signed, however, goes to Playboy Enterprises, Inc. Scheduled to shoot in a few months, Pennywise will be the men's magazine's Miss April.

Asked why there is so much interest in Pennywise, Playboy's founder Hugh Hefner has this to say:

"There's just something that oozes from Pennywise. Something that excretes pure sexuality. I'm not sure if it's the red hair, the make-up, the fangs, the power to change into a child's worst fears. Whatever it is, that clown's got it. Pennywise is DEFINITELY going to be our new "IT" girl."
By the way, the picture above is a photoshop fake that I created. I only wanted to add this because, when I showed the pic to my wife, she was a little confused why I was laughing my ass off at it. She asked me "Why is that girl wearing a mask?" Which make me laugh even MORE. No, this is an actual picture of Miss America 2008, I just photoshopped the Stephen King's "IT" clown head on her (from the Television Miniseries - Evil Clown played by Tim Curry). God, I LOVE photoshop.