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> Tangent #18: Amazing Products - Urine Gone
After experiencing the horror that I went through with the Yoga Booty Ballet: Complete Workout System, I was blessed with having an UNBELIEVABLE product pictured right beside it (if you don't know what the hell I am talking about right now, check out Tangent #17 for the background story).

And what was this amazing product?


There are no Ifs, Ands, or Butts about this. It is what is says. It MAKES URINE GO AWAY! Genius marketing. Straight, to the point, not ashamed of what it is and what it does. Doesn't matter if kitty left a piddle of pee on the couch or if Grampa let loose a gusher in his favorite comfy chair after drinking too much Captain Morgan's Silver Spiced Rum while watching reruns of McHale's Navy (again).

Urine Gone just points to that piss stain and says in a manly Vikingesque warble (which oddly sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger), "Hey, YOU!!! Pee stain. OUT!!! Get OUT!!! You are no longer wanted here. Begone, you vile urine stench, for a new day of pleasant smells has been prophesized and with this squirting your days of foulness has come to an end. Asta la vista peepee. For I am the Stain Eliminator."

And then, the pummeling would begin. What is more manly than that? What is more manly than Urine Gone?

I wish that more products were directly up front with their advertising like this. Just THINK about the potential.

Work Gone!

Getting stressed at your place of employment? Watching as everything in your IN BOX gets OUT OF CONTROL? Feel like there is no way any human could possibly get all this work done without going insane?

It's time for Work Gone!. Just a couple sprays and watch your workload instantly disappear. To use: simply wait for your boss to come around. When he sets down more work on your desk, merely spray him in the face with Work Gone! Watch it instantly start to take effect as his eyes swell shut. Thanks to the patented Work Gone! "pepper spray" action, your boss will no longer be able to see. And if HE can't see YOU, then YOU won't be seeing HIM with anymore annoying work related items. Now, you have all the time in the world to sit back, relax, and take that nap you always wanted OR catch up with some old "friends".

Barf Gone!

Just a little squirt and that Turkey Sub you ate before partying too much and HEAVING it all over your favorite shoes, socks, pants, shirt, briefcase, hooker's backside, lines of coke, signed copy of "Martha Stewart Living", and open now-empty wallet is INSTANTLY GONE.

Not even a speck of spew can be found. Alleviate the anxiety of blowing chunks with Barf Gone!, now with convenient scoop attachment for those heavy duty days.

Wife Gone!

Don't you hate it when you come home after a hard's days work and all you hear is: "Take the trash out!", "Clean out the cat box!", "Do I look fat?", "Why are you so LATE!!!", and "Where's my signed copy of 'Martha Stewart Living' and WHY do you smell like a cheap hooker"

Just whip out a bottle of Wife Gone! and instantly turn them tiresome Nagging Nights into masculine Bragging Rights as you take your rightful place as the King of the House. To use: Remove the convenient easy-to-use Wife Gone! cotton swabbing from the box. Keep bottle at arm's length from you and saturate the swabbing with Wife Gone! (now in Orange, Lemon, and Pine scent). Cautiously sneak up behind wife and place swabbing over her mouth and nose with your left hand while holding the back of her head with the right. Watch as that Orange, Lemon, or Pine scent pleasently fills her nostrils with freshness and the special Wife Gone! ingredient trichloromethane (aka Chloroform) starts to work it's magic.

Within seconds, she will be the wife you always dreamed of. Take her for a ride and dump her in the woods or merely lay her on the couch and enjoy an evening of being able to actually watch what YOU want on the television. She won't care, because she is off in her own Wife Gone! dreamland. When she awakes, she won't remember a thing. She will wake up refreshed and ready for a new day, with the slight exceptions of the dizziness, fatigue, splitting headache, and possible liver damage that is normal with use.