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> Tangent #11: CSI Don't Know Why I Watch This Crap
My wife loves watching the CSI and faulty forensic shows currently taking over ALL the time slots on good old prime time television. I mean she LOVES them all... every single one of them. I had no idea that there so many versions out there. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, CSI: Miami, CSI: New York, Bones, Crossing Jordan, Without a Trace, Cold Case and on and on and on.

Don't even get me started on all of the True Crime Forensics series that inundate the education channels or (dare I even speak the name) the entire Law and Order family of shows, spin off, re-spin offs, super spin offs, sidetracks, and prequels (are you ready... here it goes... Law & Order, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Law & Order: Trial by Jury, Law & Order: Crime & Punishment ). Yup, my wife watches them ALL. Her obsession with all things Criminally Scientific and Orderly of Law was bad from the get go, but it became WORSE when I bought... (pause for dramatic effect) the DVR.

For the love of all that is good, the shows never end now. When she watches one, there are magically 5 other episodes that were somehow recorded after it. It... it is the work on the Devil. It has to be. My poor little DVR unit is filled to the brim with the shows. I believe it may become suicidal after awhile.

(Imagine if you will the almighty Dung-Dung noise at the beginning of all Law and Order shows, then me walking into my apartment finding my poor DVR hanging by it's own cord from the roof beams... no longer being able to take even one more show... it swings back and forth as I stare in horror and I scream "NOOOOOOOOOOO" while my bags of groceries fall to the ground all slo-mo like. A bottle of ketchup breaks open upon the floor leaving a bloody red mess that puddles around my face as I pass away from this life from heart break. DUNG DUNG!!!)

CSWhy: An Actual Line From CSI

Absolute truth here. I was laying on the couch, reading a book, while my wife was watching the CSI (that one in Las Vegas with all the hot forensic chicks). Anyhoo, I was barely watching it when I caught THIS line:
A young forensic scientist is swabbing down a car's steering wheel, trying to figure out who had been driving it. He calls a fellow CSI agent on the phone and says:

"I checked the steering wheel for fingerprints. Yeah... we got some. It is definitley not a woman's prints. It might be a man's..."

It was at that moment that my head exploded. I started laughing until my spleen almost ruptured. Get OUT!!! He didn't just say that. So I backed it up a bit and watched it a couple times. Yup, I heard correctly.

O.K., this may be the stupidest line ever. If it wasn't a female's prints then it MIGHT be a male's prints? What the Huh the Who? Well No Shit Sherlock. What else could they be, elephant prints? Was a fucking baboon (wearing a cowboy hat and hooker boots) driving the car while brandishing a gun for a drive by. Ofcourse it had to be a Male's prints. Oh Lordy lordy lordy.

My sister sent me the link below. Again, I had to laugh and laugh and... It is ALL the bad oneliners from CSI: Miami. This truly shows David Caruso's amazing ability to put on his shades, pausing, then giving forth the cheese (and the Who's "Yeeeeeeeaaaaahhhh" is a great way to end each line with a one-two punch to the bad punny bone).