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> Tangent #10: Happiness Is... Vintage "Switchblade Sisters" VHS
Humor, Horror, and Heavy Metal: Switchblade Sisters - The wildest teenage girl gang that ever blasted the streets! Mothers... LOCK UP YOUR SONS.
I actually found an ORIGINAL VHS of the movie at an antique fair that I just went to. You remember VHS... that old box that used to blink 12:00 incessantly underneath your television for YEARS before you threw the damn thing away and got that new fancy Laser Disc Player. When I say the "original VHS", I mean ORIGINAL... well... maybe not original original. The movie came out in 1975, the "Home Video" version didn't come out until 1982. Mind you, the picture you see has been drastically sized down because the tape is Old School and the box/storage case is about the size of a Super-Size box of Honeycombs. It's frickin' huge.

If you have not seen this movie, then you are truly missing out on some great horrible '70s pissed-off chicks, way-too-white-gang warfare, bad disco music, crappy acting that almost makes me weep with joy.

Some of the best parts:

  1. Chicks with Switchblades. HELLO!!! Weren't you reading.
  2. The gorgeous gaggle of gals (known as the Dagger Debs) fighting lesbian guards while incarcerated in the detention center. Oddly, some of their shirts come off during the brouhaha. Why doesn't that ever happen in the supermarket while I am shopping?
  3. Most of the "highschool" students amazingly look like they might be well into their 30s.
  4. The rival gang boss has a tendency of dressing like a colorful gay mime (with sparkly shirts, suspenders, and all).
  5. The BIG gang fight happens in the scariest place ever to have been created by the hands of mankind.... a Roller Rink. Wow, can we get any more whitebread than that. People are actually on SKATES shooting each other. Uhhh.. wouldn't the recoil from firing off a shotgun while you are on skates blow your ass back about 300 feet.
  6. There is a girl named Donut.
  7. There is a girl named Muff.
  8. The editing and consistency is slightly... uh... lacking. One moment the girls will be fighting, the next moment one of the girls shirts is RIPPED open and her boobs are dangling happily out of her shirt, then the very next shot her shirt is all lovingly buttoned up and tucked in (guess she was getting cold and decided to take a small break during a Switchblade Fight to make sure that her girls were all protected by the flimsy tops they were wearing).
  9. Robbie Lee (who plays bad ass bitch Lace in the movie) went on to play the voice of Twink in the Rainbow Brite cartoons. Oh... wait... thats not really cool. Pretty weird actually. Oddly enough, now that I think about it, Rainbow Brite's outfit sort of reminds me of the rival gang boss' outfit. Hmmmm.... coincidence. I think not.
  10. There are awesome memorable quotes like:

    "No, let me give you some advice, cop. You can beat us, chain us, lock us up. But we're gonna be back, understand? And when we do, cop, you better keep your ass off our turf, or we'll BLOW IT OFF! Ya dig? We're Jezebels, cop - remember that name. We'll be back!"

    and

    "Get your hands off me, you fat pig dyke!"
  11. The tagline for the movie is "So easy to kill. So hard to love."
  12. The back of the box says: "They put a knife in Maggie's hand an taught her how to use it. They framed her on a bad rap and put her in prison. Now she was out, but the pressure was still on and Maggie would have to fight for her life. Before she was finished the streets would run with blood and those who had hounded her would cringe with terror at her name"
If you know what's good for ya', you'd go watch it now before sometin' reeeeeeal bad happens to ya, dig!!!