"It's like a mini-movie really. But without all the fuss that comes along with the bally-hoo of big budget blockbusters. I've had about enough of that for a lifetime.", said Jackson to reporters during a Saturday evening bubble bath.
Kotex executives have come to Jackson to remake what they lovingly refer to as the "Walk on the Beach of Freshness" series of ads that are so dearly admired as commercial classics and considered a true piece of Americana.
Knowing that there are those out there who are against the remaking of the classic tampon commercials ( see "People's Liberty Unit Guarding Idealistic Television" or by their acronym PLUGIT ), Jackson has responded, "I have ALWAYS loved those commercials ever since I first saw them as a child with my own mother. I promise that I will keep the spirit, adventure and fun of the originals and only UPDATE them slightly to go with the present times. I will not modify or take away from what is and always will be a part of commercial history."
The first commercial entitled "Return of the String" is set to run tomorrow. It will be 4.6 hours long and will have: 143 Weta Workshop Bigature Sets, a cast of 15,000 digital creatures, a trained Sumatran Rat-Monkey in a hat, Andy Serkis as both the stand-in for the main character "Tampo the Magical Applicator" and as the role of Unfresh Daughter #5, Liv Tyler as the voice of the frightening bloodsucker "SheGob" and it will be shot entirely on the moon.
The first commercial has a cost of about $734.6 Million. Asked about the cost, Kotex execs could not be reached because they have been kidnapped and are currently rotting in Jackson's newly renovated "Fun Dungeon" basement in New Zealand. Not to be confused with Michael Jackson's "Silly Fun Dungeon" basement in Santa Ynez, California.