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> Reenactoraphobia
Pronunciation: Ree-in ahctOR' afobe eAAAA
Function: Noun
1: An normal and rational fear of Historical Reenactors. Though mainly Civil War Reenactors, the list can be expanded to cover such things as:
  • American Revolutionary War Reenactors
  • French and Indian War Reenactors
  • Napoleonic Wars Reenactors
  • The War on Drugs Reenactors
  • Hart's War Reenactors
  • Casualties of War Reenactors
  • U2's 1983 album "War" Reenactors
  • Warhammer Online Reenactors
  • Reenactors Reeanacting War Reenactments Reenactors
  • ...and so on.

Treatments for Reenactoraphobia

Anyone who suddenly finds themselves in the convulsions of a sudden attack of Reenactoraphobia can attempt to quickly eradicate the symptoms by swiftly kicking a close-by reenactor in the shin and then run to the nearest television and dose up on Reality T.V. programs until the fear subsides. I have found that reruns of Bret Michaels "Rock Of Love 2" works the best.

I realized that I indeed suffered from this fear, once I read the following email that I had sent to a friend quite a while back concerning my own run-ins with the dreaded Reenactors. An edited version of the emails is as follows:

Hey there $#*$@, (name edited out to save the person from the WRATH of any reenactors that may be reading this)

Guess what I did today? I went to that big Civil War reenactment that I read about in the paper. All them guns ablazin', people screaming, guys a dyin'. And that was just the gang warfare down on Main Street before I even got there. (HarHarHar)

It was truly strange. These people seemed to almost believe that they ARE in the Civil War. Their tents were set up all around us and even after the battle they STILL acted like they were from that era. They never stopped. NEVER!!!

You try to talk to them like they were normal people. But you CAN'T, because they AREN'T. You go to buy a freakin' Coke and a Hotdog and they still act like you have to barter a horse and a barrel of wheat for them. Please GOD, someone just talk normal to me.

It was FREAKY. I have now come to believe that I have a strange mental disease known as Reenactoraphobia- the utter fear of the weird historical Reenactor people. No matter what you say to them, they still stay in character. I don't know why, but that just freaks me out. Who are they REALLY!!!

I feel like they have all lost their little friggin' minds and will start yellin' "Woooowee, looks like we gots us a skinny lil yankee and his wife. Quick, let's kill 'em and use his wife as a love slave. Hey-ell, why not use him as a love slave too, sure beats them damn sheep, runs too fast for us anyhoo."

I got to play with a cow while I was down there.

It farted on me.

Go figure.

I have definitely realized that me and life down on the farm will not happen ANY time soon. Hell, I'd end up milkin' the chickens and tryin' to get eggs to shoot out of the cows ass. No sir, ain't leanin' towards that for future employment. Nope, noway, hell no.

I'll stick with my computer. Doesn't smell horrible or have a tendency of shittin' all over my room. At least, not yet. Yekk!!!!!

Gettin' down with the Union Blues,

Drooling "don't wanna be no Confederate's bitch" Maniac