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> Absolutely Goat Cheese
Pronunciation: Aaa-Buh-so-LUTE-lee Go-t Chee-zzzz
Function: Major Adjective
1: This is a word I created for no reason at all except for the sheer joy I get from annoying the living bejesus out of my wife (and yes... the word annoys her quite a bit, thank you very much).

Absolutely Goat Cheese is my incredibly stupid way of saying: "Absolutely Gorgeous". Now, you may want to ask me: "Hey Drool, how the hell did you come up with Goat Cheese instead of Gorgeous?".

Well, the answer to this question that I forcibly forced into your mouth (oh Dear Reader) is simply this: It kinda-sorta-almost-possibly-maybe sounds a bit the same. BUT... and there is an IMPORTANT BUT here... Goat Cheese is by FAR much much much much much stupider and really just too silly to comprehend that someone would even utter it without being slightly off-kilter.

Which in turn makes it annoying.

Which turning again in the turn makes it that much funnier to say as you watch someone's face cloud over with irritation.

I will be the first to agree -- This is dumb. Just a really really idiotic thing to utter. But it sure is fun. Especially since Goat Cheese really isn't gorgeous by any means. Unless of course, the Goat Cheese has been carved into the semblance of Jessica Alba at a local Goat Cheese Carving Contest. Then... well... I guess I wouldn't mind making out with it. But it sure will be embarrassing once I accidentally bite of Goat Cheese Alba's cheesy lips and start munching away because it is so tasty in it's goatish goodness. Now THAT would be embarrassing (but I digress).

Give it a try, I promise you, it will annoy a good portion of people you say it to, INCLUDING yourself.

Proper Usage:
[While visiting the Musée du Louvre in Paris, I come up to Mona Lisa while a tour guide is giving a lecture. ]
...and over here is Leonardo DaVinci's unrivaled masterpiece "The Mona Lisa". Thought by many to be the most famous painting in the known world of present time. Begun in 1502 and completed in four years, this painting of Lisa Gherardini, the wife of wealthy Florentine businessman Francesco del Giocondo has been shrouded in academic debate concerning every aspect of its creation, including the "actual" subject of the piece and the mysterious smile that plays lightly upon the lips. There has been suggestions...
ME: [Hands flying in the air like a maniac, while screaming loudly.]
Oh My GOD!!! It's Absolutely Goat Cheese!!!
...I... uh... where was I.. yes... there have been suggestions that there had been multiple copies of the painting made by Leonardo. These versions having columns...
Absolutely Goat Cheese!!! Absolutely Goat Cheese!!! Ooooooooh, she's Absolutely Goat Cheese!!!
SIR -- WOULD YOU MIND BEING QUIET!!! There are OTHERS here trying to listen and would like the glory of SILENCE so they can ponder the aesthetics and historical SIG-NIF-I-CANCE of this artistic piece. If you do not cease your inane ramblings, I will be forced to have you removed from this museum. Is this UNDERSTOOD!!! If you have something important and relevant to say in a proper volume and tone, I will let you stay as I continue.
I -- uh -- yes. I understand.
O.K. then. Lets just skip to analyzing the subtle strokes of form and light that Leonardo masterfully brings to life throughout the neck, shoulder, and breast area. Would someone like to comment on this?
ME: [OoohOoohOoohing like Arnold Horshack with hand raised]
Oooh Oooh Oooh
MUSEUM TOUR GUIDE: [sighing while giving me the evil eye]
Yes sir. You have... comments... on this subject?
Indeed, I believe that Leonardo has achieved brilliance through his use of near weightless layerings of undertones. They build up upon a realistic structure and contour of body, yet still attains a fairly soft interplay of highlighted color that is seamlessly introduced from the source of the subject's lighting. This ultimately creates an almost perfect sense of calmness and serenity, making the viewer truly focus on the gentle SOUL of the subject that has been captured at this moment.
MUSEUM TOUR GUIDE: [slightly baffled]
Why... yes... I... well spoken. You have brought up many good points that we can expound upon while we...
Yeah, and I would like to "subtly stroke the form" of those BREASTS too!!! Their Absolutely Goat Cheese!!! Who's with me guys. You know it. I put the MOAN in MOAN-a Lisa. Yeah... Oh YEAH!!!
MUSEUM TOUR GUIDE: [slightly baffled]
[Stupid looking French Guards drag me away and throw me out of the building. The doors slam behind me. I stand outside -- alone -- and it begins to rain. I begin to shiver as I walk, tears run down my face mixing with raindrops that weep for me. With head down, I begin to RUN, RUN, RUN...]
[...suddenly, I run right into someone. Dazed, I help her up as I start apologizing and look directly into the eyes of Jessica Alba -- made of Goat Cheese.]
You... you... you are Absolutely Goat Cheese!!!
Goat Cheese Jessica Alba:
Yes... Yes I am.
P.S. I have never been to France, nor have I ever been romantically linked with Jessica Alba that has been made from Goat Cheese. But everyman must have a dream.